Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Retreat to a Mountain

Last week was tough. I seemed to be frustrated with my students in every class, I was getting annoyed with my friends. I had issues with what my preacher said in his semon. I just wasn't happy. Something was off. I decided to take a moment and figure out why things were the way they were. I quickly realized it was my relationship with the Lord that was off and it's like a domino effect. I recalled praying a month or so ago that I would hunger for the Lord, that I would starve without him. And at that moment I was able to really pinpoint my issue. I was starving. My spiritual body was shutting down. I was past the hunger pains and really getting sick. Once I knew what the problem was I was bound and determined to fix it. But I knew consistant quiet times, though they are the meals that sustain life, would not be enough. I needed a feast, I needed to retreat and and get alone with the Lord. Sometimes it's shaming to share my shortcomings in my relationship with God, but I know that He responds and derseves the recognition and credit for bringing me back to life. My plan was to go to the orphanage Saturday morning and then spend the rest of the day alone. I wanted to get into nature because I always feel closer to the Lord and I can see him better almost. So through some circumstances beyond my control I wasn't able to go Saturday, plus it rained so it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Sunday however, I was adament about making this happen. So I woke up and headed out to the mountain. I love hiking and it was my first chance to go since I've been here and the leaves are changing and so I was so excited to get to be a part of it. I climbed a pretty good ways up a mountain called Bukhansan that's on the North side of the city, found a rock and sat down. I love journaling my prayers because it keeps me focused and I get to look back and see where I've come and what the Lord has done. I've been journaling on a regular basis for about 7 years now and it has proved beneficial. As I was praying the Lord and I were talking different things going on in my life and then when I moved on to a particular personal topic I looked up and saw a pinecone. Now normally this wouldn't mean much but I had told a friend the day before how I miss pinecones, we don't get them much in the city. And so when I saw it I knew it was the Lord telling me He loves me. I began to cry and just allowed him to remind me that He is the lover of my soul and needless to say I've been refilled.

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